apparently the secret to your success is patron
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
