Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
third nipple confirmed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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