I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
