At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
