I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
