i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
