do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
