first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Randomize
