Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Where is the hickey?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
