He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
