Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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