Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
