Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
