I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
