On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
