Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
