And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this just has baby written all over it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
