I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
try to milk me bitch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
