I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
