We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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