Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
