you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
