I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
