He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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