Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
