saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
