What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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