After last night, I could never be a politician.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
