everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
