Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
