I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
