i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
