@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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