shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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