similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
