Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
50% drunk capacity currently
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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