We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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