You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
