Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
