a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
