What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Someone shit on the floor
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
