I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
