i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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