i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You need Xanax blowdarts
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
