I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
