Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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