I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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