no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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