Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
