Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
